Back Again - I have under estimated how difficult it is to keep a running blog with small children in the house. First, there is a competition to use the computer vs. Madie. She has these toys called Webkinz and if you don't feed them and go online to play with them, they get sick. Great! This is her excuse to use the computer. Not only am I responsible for live children and a fish (our 2nd one) that must be fed and cleaned but now I get guilt trips because I have not let Madie use the computer to play with her animals. Second, Mollie likes to jump in my lap and pretend that she is typing if she knows I am on the computer. So... this is my excuse for not finishing the story.
2/13/08 Continued...
11:15 a.m. - Ms.Regina came and brought us lunch and nosh food. She also kept us laughing and very good company.
11:45 a.m.
Ally came out to tell us that the right ear was done. She helped us to pick out some of the equipment (BTE's) that Mollie would wear on her ears. We have been told that we will receive a large suitcase of equipment. Wow! We also picked hot pink on the ear bands for fashion!
Ally did tell us that all was going well so far for Mollie.
12:30 p.m. - Catherine and Mike came back to visit with us and check on Mollie's progress. We were not alone during this whole day of waiting - we had all of our friends and family with us and praying for us. This was so amazing to me.
1:00 p.m. - We were sent to the Holding Room to wait for Mollie to wake up. Auntie Debbie called from Austria to see if Mollie was okay. She and Uncle Gary were skiing in the Alps.
1:30 p.m. - Dr. Bennett came to see us. He said Mollie did great! He said when we saw her she would look like Princess Lea from Star Wars (Mollie we will tell you about the movie some day). Dr. Bennett said going forward he will always be her doctor for her ears, ie ear infections etc. and stated that she may have to get tubes at some point if she gets ear infections. I would imagine this is to make sure the implants to do not get infected. We were given an implant card with serial #'s and warnings for the future when she fly's or has a medical emergency. I guess she will be able to set off the security medical detectors at the airport. A bionic girl - ha!
2:45 p.m. - We were brought back to see Mollie in recovery. She looked so sleepy and so sad. The medicine and oxygen she had been on made her very raspy. She had had a ventilator tube down her throat for over 4 hours. Children who come out of anesthesia can have very different reactions to it. Mollie was just very thirsty and very tired. I sat in the rocking chair and just held her. The bandages were scary to see and both Bobby and I had gut reactions of "why did we do this to our little girl?" She had some trouble keeping her oxygen levels up so we had to keep giving her the oxygen. Mollie wanted nothing to do with all the wires she was hooked up to and wanted to rip them off. Finally the nurse started to let us take these items off her to get her settled down.
As a mother I was so upset with myself. I knew going into this what to expect...but when you live it and see it, it is very sobering. All my memories came flooding back of being in the hospital all that time waiting for them to come into the world and all the wires they had hooked up to them when they were born - all the stuff we have gone through with these two since they were born. It all just seemed so unfair and I told Bobby that we had just spent way too much time in hospitals in the last 3 years since we have moved to Nashville. I had just had enough!
5:00 p.m. - We finally just felt it was time to go and really just wanted to get Mollie home. It had snowed during the day and it was soooo cold outside and we just walked her out the door to a cold day. No big fan fair after what we had gone through, Mollie was just whimpering and I am so sure people in the lobby and parking lot were thinking - "what in the world just happened to that child" Too me this was the longest car ride I had ever had in my whole life to get her home. I just wanted her to be home and feel comfortable in her own bed. I wanted to let her know that she was going to be okay and things would be normal again. (I cannot imagine what pain the parents of very sick children go through on a continuous basis. I cannot imagine sending my child through surgery after surgery or chemotherapy. Any of this would just be very difficult) We are so blessed that this is Mollie's only issue through life and we all can deal with this and help her and move on to a bright future.
When we got home, Mimi, Madie and Nate were waiting to see us. They were so anxious to see Mollie. Mollie was still very sleepy and clinging to her pink dog and blanket that Mrs. Regina and Mrs. Blake had given her. It was the only thing that seemed to really comfort her. We were all so very tired but Mrs. Blake had made us a nice dinner of comfort food and a few beers for us if we needed! I went to bed and got some rest while Bobby stayed up with Mollie until midnight. I cannot speak for Bobby's thoughts and I don't know if he will put them down but I hope.
I woke up at midnight and took over with Mollie and I just sat and prayed that she would forgive us, prayed for her to feel better, prayed for her to eat something, prayed that she would show some signs of Mollie again. We so missed her smile.
2/14/08 Valentine's Day - just did not feel the same. I was so filled with guilt and just wanted Mollie to feel better. I know in my heart that we were so over tired. But I really had doubts as to whether we had just asked too much of Mollie. We can say in our own minds that this was the best thing for her and her future but that was easy compared to what we had physically asked of her. Mollie has worked so hard at school and at therapy and she has been so patient with the doctors constantly picking at her ears, asking her to respond in the sound booth, really work to listen - since she had been diagnosed with her hearing loss, Mollie has really moved mountains to get to where she is at. I just kept thinking maybe she would have been okay living in a deaf world. I really did understand at that moment why the deaf community can be so against the implant world. Why did we mess with nature, maybe we should have left the choices up to her? But as a parent you want only the best for your children and we push and push for the best. Again I say I know how tired I was still and I just wanted to see Mollie smile again.
I could only imagine what Nate thought about this and poor Madie we sent her off to school as if all of this was a normal day but yet her sister had just gone through a traumatic experience and we just tried to keep things normal.
2/15/08 - Mollie slept the whole night through. She was still getting nose bleeds (one of the side effects of anesthesia). But she woke up so much more alert today. She would try to eat something but she just had no taste for anything. I was willing to let her eat ice cream for breakfast if she would just eat. But no, she just pushed everything away. She would have bursts of energy and then I can only imagine the pressure in her head, she would go and put her head upside down - very odd I thought.
Mimi and I got Nate off to school and then decided it was time to take the bandages off. This was a painful and another traumatic process for Mollie. We did video tape this, I have not watched it yet. It was difficult to cut through the tape and not peel her hair and hurt her. But once the bandages came off we really saw there was very little blood and very little hair loss. We saw that her incisions looked soooo good. Dr. Bennett did such a great job! He cut so close to the back of her ears that you really cannot see them - especially with her hair. Mollie was so exhausted that she immediately fell asleep in my lap for over an hour. When she woke up we gave her her first bath and wow! I have to say as Mollie started to feel better and act more herself, I started to feel better as well. We were starting to see her spirit return.
2/16/08 Mollie has started to act herself again. We have taken her off the pain medicine and she is just on antibiotics. She still has no real appetite but we feel so much better and feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Mollie has started to ride her tricycle again around and around the house. She's back!
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